If advanced degrees were given for self-absorption, I’m pretty sure I would have one. I could sign my name at the end of this blog – Dana Jaffee, M.S. (Master of Self). I am an expert at making things all about me. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s the truth. Can you say the same thing? Here’s a quick little test. The next time that someone is telling you something, see what is happening in your brain. Are you really listening to them, or are you waiting (maybe impatiently) for them to finish talking so that you can tell how that connects to you or how you had a similar experience or how you feel about the topic? Maybe you passed that test with flying colors, but here’s another one. When you’re driving in traffic, and you are behind someone who is driving 45 mph in a 55 mph zone with no opportunity to pass, where does your mind go? If you’re anything like me, those thoughts aren’t pretty, and they are motivated by self-centeredness.

Even in my relationship with God, I am often way too focused on myself. I get caught up in what I’m doing, how I’m doing, how the actions of others are affecting me, how much spiritual progress I’m making, how much work there is for me to do, etc. Me, me, me. Now, just for the sake of balance, I do believe in relentless self-inspection with the help of the Holy Spirit because my heart is “deceitful above all things and desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9). Unfortunately, my preoccupation with self is not usually in pursuit of searching my heart for sin and falling at the feet of Jesus in repentance. That would be a desirable thing. No, my preoccupation is usually about my comfort, my success, my reputation, my wants, etc. 

The truth about this ‘all about me’ mindset is that it is exhausting. When I am at the center, it is detrimental to me, and it is detrimental to those around me. It also is in direct opposition to the purpose for which I was created. I was created to glorify God. He is supposed to be the center. When I’m exhausted from this misplaced focus on myself, the absolute cure is to look up and center my attention on Him. What I must do is lose myself in the wonder of Who He is. Yes, lose myself. Let my gaze move from myself to my Maker. From sinner to Savior. From human to Holy. John the Baptist said it well. “He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

Wonder is defined by Merriam-Webster as 1) a cause of astonishment or admiration; 2) the quality of exciting amazed admiration; 3) rapt attention or astonishment at something awesomely mysterious or new to one’s experience. 

When I’m absorbed with myself, there is no wonder. When I lift up my eyes and ponder the greatness and character of God, I am filled with wonder. And wonder leads me away from the sinful worship of myself to the humble worship of the One Who is worthy beyond all measure.

Sometimes, we lose our sense of wonder. Sometimes, we need some reminders of the greatness and majesty of God. I hope you’ll ponder the verses below with me this week, and let them lead us to wonder and to worship.

“Who else has held the oceans in His hand? Who has measured off the heavens with His fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale? Who is able to advise the Spirit of the LORD? Who knows enough to give Him advice or teach Him? Has the LORD ever needed anyone’s advice? Does He need instruction about what is good? Did someone teach Him what is right or show Him the path of justice? No, for all the nations of the world are but a drop in the bucket. They are nothing more than dust on the scales. He picks up the whole earth as though it were a grain of sand…Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of His great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.” (Isaiah 40:12-15, 26)

“O LORD, our Lord, Your majestic name fills the earth! Your glory is higher than the heavens. You have taught children and infants to tell of Your strength, silencing Your enemies and all who oppose You. When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers – the moon and the stars you set in place – what are mere mortals that You should think about them, human beings that You should care for them?” (Psalm 8:1-4)

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins. He has showered His kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.” (Ephesians 1:3-8)

“Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand His decisions and His ways! For who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give Him advice? And who has given Him so much that He needs to pay it back? For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever! Amen.” (Romans 11:33-36)

Dear Father, who are we that You, the Creator of the Universe, are mindful of us? Give us this week a fresh vision of Your greatness and majesty. Let us gaze in wonder at the beauty of Who You are, and let the things of earth (ourselves included) grow strangely dim. Please give us the grace to lose ourselves, to decrease as You increase in our hearts and minds. Forgive us for our self-absorption, and let us live this week for Your glory and not our own. We are humbled by Your great love for us that is beyond our ability to comprehend. Amen.

-Dana

At my house, we have a trash drawer. I don’t mean a junk drawer, although we have one of those too.  This is a drawer in our kitchen specially designed to hold a trash can.  When you want to throw something away, you open the drawer, put in your trash, and then shut it.  I suppose this is to keep the trash can out of sight and keep the kitchen tidy.  For the most part, it works pretty well.  The glitch comes, as you might expect, when the trash can is full.  As is human nature, we tend to overfill the trash can rather than empty it.  I’m guessing that this is a common happening in many homes.  The difference with the trash drawer set up comes when you shut the drawer on a trash can that is full beyond its limits.  The garbage overflows into the back of the drawer where it keeps the drawer from closing correctly and becomes difficult to get out.  It turns a routine chore into something a little more time-consuming and aggravating.

 

From my perspective, the best approach is obvious. Empty the trash can when it is full.  Simple.  Another option is to leave the trash can full, but leave the drawer open and hope someone else empties the trash.  The third scenario, the shove-the-trash-down-and-shove-the-drawer-shut option, is unfortunately an all too common practice at our house.

 

The other day, as I was extracting trash from the back of the drawer, I was thinking about how this is similar to something that happens inside of us. We all have trash, attitudes and actions that need discarded, that keep us from being the best version of ourselves (to borrow a phrase from Matthew Kelly).   When we think of the yucky stuff in our hearts, we can all agree that it piles up just like the trash in the kitchen.  And over and over, we are faced with a decision.  Do we empty the trash, or do we push it down and try to hide it?  It’s not going to go away by itself.  And just like the trash in my kitchen, the longer we procrastinate and the more we try to close the drawer so people can’t see it, the worse off we are.

 

This seems pretty obvious, and sounds logical to me. It’s easy to agree about the generalities of keeping your inner self clean, but I took it a step further.  I have been pondering specifically what trash I have, and what it means to address it before it overflows and stops things from working the way they are designed to work.

 

I have been thinking of the instruction given by Paul, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2).  It surprised me to find the same words used by Jesus in a well-known passage, Matthew 11:28-30.  “ ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’ “

Humble and gentle. Gentle and humble in heart.

Too often, I find the opposites in me: proud and harsh. In fact, I would say that the vast majority of my trash can be attributed to pride and self-centeredness.  Ouch.  I’m also pretty sure that there are lots of times that I ignore those attitudes and the thoughts and actions that flow from them, pushing them down and closing the drawer on them so at least they feel hidden.

 

What does it mean to empty my inner trash? How can I get rid of proud and self-centered and become more humble and gentle like Jesus?

 

First of all, I have to see the trash. In today’s world, we often go through our days in survival mode and at a break-neck pace, fulfilling demands and putting out fires and sometimes missing what is important because there is so much that feels urgent.  In that framework, it is pretty hard to notice when I am acting or speaking out of pride and with my own interests first.  Paying more attention to what’s going on inside me as I go through the day is a necessary step to seeing where there is trash to empty.  I think it is helpful to think of some triggers to remind me to stop and evaluate the status of my internal trash can.

 

One trigger is when I start to see other people’s trash. Jesus’ message, “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.  Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-5), is great advice about remembering to look for trash in yourself.  For some reason, no matter how busy I am, I do find time to notice things that other people could improve.  My goal is that when I find myself thinking about what’s less than perfect in someone else, I take that opportunity to find and empty my own pride and self-centeredness.

 

Another trigger is found in the words of Jesus I mentioned earlier. Jesus said that if we are in need of rest, we should learn from Him, the One who is gentle and humble in heart.  When I start to feel frustrated or worried, that is the opposite of rest.  Those feelings are usually an indicator that I am not living in the Jesus way of humility and gentleness and that there is trash to empty.   When I find myself frustrated or worried and lacking rest, I want to pause and find the trash in me and move it out.

 

So, how do I get rid of the trash? Yes, first I have to see it, but how do I change it?  The great news is that I don’t have to do it by my own will-power.  Take it from David, a man who had some trash that needed to go.  Psalm 51 records his prayer that God would clean him up.  In verse 7 he says, “Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow,” and in verse 10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.”  The way to get rid of the things need discarded from inside me is to let God do it.  If I am willing and ask, He does the cleaning. Sounds too good to be true, but try it!

 

My sister reminded me of a song we used to listen to in the 80’s, by David Meece. I had forgotten all about it, but the lyrics are just right for trash removal…

Replace It With Your Love

David Meece

Where there’s hate give me love
Where there’s pride make me be humble
Where there’s pain don’t let me feel resentment deep inside
I want You to make it right

So replace it with Your love in my heart
Replace it with Your love in my heart
Just take out all the hatred and cleanse every part
And replace it with Your love in my heart

When I’m tired lift me up
When I’m weak, Lord, don’t let me falter
But if I fall, don’t let me harbor bitterness inside
I want You to take it out

Lord, I’m just a man who wants to be like You
Living in Your perfect love in everything I do
So now I’m yielding I’m yielding all to You
To take out every wrong I feel inside
So replace it with Your love in my heart
Replace it with Your love in my heart
Just take out all the hatred and cleanse every part
And replace it with Your love in my heart

If you have time, listen to the song :).

 

Just like emptying the kitchen trash, emptying the heart trash is a job that we get to do over and over again, and making a habit of doing it instead of putting it off makes life smoother and better.

 

Jesus, thanks for Your words about being humble and gentle. As I go through each day, help open my eyes to my pride and self-centeredness. Remind me to take it to You and let You replace it with Your love. Thank You that You love me in my mess and that You empower me to become clean.

-Leah

*This post is dedicated to Jeff Eiden, who, one day on the side of a sand dune, was a shining example to me of God’s heroic love.

My sister, Leah, and brother-in-law, Jeff, have a cabin in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan not far from Lake Superior. A few years ago, we spent Thanksgiving there together. One morning, we loaded up in their minivan and made our way to an area of the lake called Log Slide Overlook. This is the place at the top of the sand dunes where loggers moved logs from the top of the dunes down to the lake for transportation. The view from the overlook is breathtaking. I remember standing there with Jeff and my nephews, looking down and being awestruck by the beauty of the lake. All of a sudden, I realized that Jeff was gone. I looked all around, and I couldn’t see him anywhere. After looking all around for a few minutes, I started to get worried. Then, almost as quickly as he had disappeared, there he was again. When I asked him where he had gone, he said that he had gone all the way down the dune to the lake. He said, “You should try it – it’s beautiful down there.” Well, I am always up for an adventure, so I started getting excited. After I had taken one or two steps down, Jeff said, “Be careful. It’s not that easy to climb back up.” So, thinking that I should just see what I was getting into, I took the couple of steps back up. No big deal. I had this.

Off I went. Going down the dune was SO much fun! I would put my foot down, and it would slide. Put the other foot down, slide some more. I gained more joy with each slide of my foot. Slide, slide, slide. Super fun! When I got to the bottom, WOW. I was at the edge of the lake and surrounded by the sand dunes. The view from down there was even more incredible than the view from the top. I was filled with joy and captivated by the wonder of it all. 

I wish I could tell you that the story ends there with all the joy and wonder, but that wouldn’t be the truth. All that joy and wonder soon began to fade as I started to attempt to make my way back up the dune. Attempt. Yes, you read that correctly. I will say that I started out with strength and determination. I put my foot in the sand, and guess what? It slid down. Just like before. Only this time, I didn’t want my foot to slide down. I put the other foot up in the sand. It slid down too. Foot up, slide down. Other foot up, slide down again. And this was the way it went. I was working so hard and making very little progress. Very. Little. Progress. I was determined though. My family was waiting for me up there. Step up, slide down. Step up, slide down.

At this point, I might mention that according to the caution sign at the top of the overlook, the dune is a 500 foot climb with a 300 foot gain in elevation. Did you catch that? There was a caution sign. Oh my. The things I get myself into.

There I was, climbing and climbing. Exhaustion began to take over. All joy – gone. All wonder – lost. Enter feelings of exasperation and anxiety. I was overwhelmed. So, I stopped. I stopped. I sat down. I was about halfway up, and I quit. I got out my cell phone, called my sister, and said, “I can’t make it back up.” To make matters even more interesting, she asked a couple of questions and quickly determined that I was hypoglycemic. Hypoglycemia is caused by a low level of glucose, which is your body’s main energy source (at least that’s what it says on the Mayo Clinic website). I had only eaten an apple for breakfast several hours earlier, and I didn’t have enough fuel to get me back up that dune.

I hope you can picture this scene. My family at the top of the overlook. Dana sitting in the middle of the sand dune with probably 250 more feet to climb. Out of energy. Shaky. Weak. Overwhelmed. 

As it turns out, we have a hero in my family. At least, he sure was a hero to me that day. Down came Jeff armed with a bottle of water and a Clif bar (how appropriate, right?). There are tears in my eyes as I’m typing this. That brother-in-law of mine knew what I needed and moved beyond the knowledge of my need to action. He stayed with me while I put into my body what was needed to provide energy. He encouraged me. He believed in me when I had already quit. Guess what? It worked. 

I finished the bottle of water and the Clif bar. I got up. And I stepped and slid the rest of the way back up that dune with my faithful rescuer by my side. He didn’t rush on up the dune ahead of me. He stayed with me, providing the encouragement that I needed. And I made it. What a joyful reunion it was at the top of the overlook!

So, you might say, why am I telling you all of this? I have been reminded of this experience on a couple of different occasions this week. I found myself in a situation at work that seemed very much like this sand dune. Trying, trying, trying to make progress, but for every step upward, there was a slide downward. It seemed like the harder I worked, the bigger the mess became. It was a sand dune moment. 

I have struggled with my weight for pretty much my whole life. About 10 years ago, by God’s grace, I lost 60 pounds. For the most part, I had managed until a few years ago to keep most of that off. But today, I find myself in the struggle. One step upward, one slide downward. A sand dune moment.

So, here I am in the middle of the sand dune faced with a long climb ahead. How about you? Have you had any sand dune moments lately? Are you climbing, but not really getting anywhere? 

This morning, my question to God was, “What are You trying to teach me in these sand dune moments?” I’m not sure I know all the lessons I’m supposed to be learning, but I will share some encouragement (just in case I’m not alone on the dune).

Call for help. Sounds simple, right? Why is it that we struggle so long without calling for help? Sometimes, maybe the best thing we can do is stop and call for help. Our Father knows what we need and moves beyond the knowledge of our needs to action.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10, NLT)

“The LORD says, ‘I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them.'” (Psalm 91:14-15, NLT)

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16, NLT)

Increase your spiritual energy. In sand dune moments, it could be that we are lacking in the main sources of our spiritual energy – the Bread of Life and Living Water. Time at the feet of Jesus will give us the strength that we lack on our own. We can’t make it up the dune without Him.

“Jesus replied, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'” (John 6:35, NLT)

“Jesus replied, ‘Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.'” (John 4:13-14, NLT)

Get up and keep climbing. Persevere. Once we have called for help and refueled, we have to just keep climbing. Jesus is near to us. He has promised to never leave us or forsake us, and He will make the climb with us, offering hope and encouragement through His Word. 

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” (Galatians 6:9, NLT)

If you see someone stuck on a sand dune, help them. Maybe you don’t relate to this today. You’re not having a sand dune moment. Do you know someone who is? Reach out to them. Point them to the Bread of Life and the Living Water. Encourage them. Cheer them on. Believe me, it will matter so much.

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:24-25, NLT)

Dear Father, You see us. You know when we struggle – when we are trying hard, but not making much progress. You see the steps upward and the slides downward. So many times, we struggle and struggle without even asking You for Your help. Forgive us for that. Will You please come to us on these sand dunes and help us? We are so aware of our need for You. Give us the Bread of Life and the Living Water. Fuel our spirits. We bring our exasperation, our anxiety, our striving, and we lay all of it at the feet of Jesus. Please exchange it for peace, joy, and hope. Give us the spiritual energy we need to get up and keep on climbing. We know that with Your help we can make it up this sand dune. Help us, Father, to look around us and to encourage others who may be experiencing sand dune moments. Thank You so much for Your love for us, Your help, and Your provision. Amen. 

-Dana

Ever feel like you are in over your head? Like you’re fighting a losing battle, and the situation is too hard, too much, and you are certainly not enough? Of course you have. We’ve all been there at one time or another and to one degree or another. Some of us feel this in our daily lives, that overload and stress from expectations we place on ourselves or allow others to place on us. Sometimes it hits much harder. A painful relationship, a serious illness, a toxic work environment, the death of a loved one. Sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances that seem insurmountable or unbearable.

I recall one such time in my life. The situation was difficult, it certainly was not what I had expected/planned, I felt like I was flailing and failing. I was worried about how it would play out for my family. I was hurting. As I stood in church, singing the closing song, my mind suddenly went to Mary. I thought about how she had been asked to do something very difficult.

Let’s take a minute to read the details…

“…the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man named Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. And he came to her and said, ‘Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.’

But she was much perplexed by his words and pondered what sort of greeting this might be.

The angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.’

Mary said to the angel, ‘How can this be, since I am a virgin?‘

The angel said to her, ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called the Son of God. And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.’

Then Mary said, ‘Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.’ Then the angel departed from her.” Luke 1:26-38 (NRV)

So a young girl, probably a teenager, gets the news that she has been chosen to carry Jesus. This is a great honor, but not without cost. She surely understood, at least to some extent, that this was going to change her previous life plan and cause some suffering. I love what she said as all this was dawning on her, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” She was willing.

I thought about Mary that Sunday morning in church, and I realized that I had also been chosen. In a way that was very different and yet somehow similar, God had chosen me to be in the difficult place in which I was finding myself. I was also being given the opportunity to “carry Jesus.” It was not the way I had envisioned it would be, and there was brokenness involved, but this was where God had placed me. My heart responded, “Let it be with me, according to Your word.” And then I sang with the congregation,

And I will fall at your feet

I will fall at your feet

And I will worship you here.

I will worship You, right in this hard place. It was a powerful moment in my life, a change of heart. I was right where I was supposed to be, and my role was to worship.

This reminds me of Bear Grylls. Ever heard of him? He is the survival guy that is forever putting himself (voluntarily, which is crazy!) into survival situations, and then demonstrating how to get out alive and in one piece. I once saw him in quicksand. He let himself get sucked in until he was good and stuck. The muck was up above his waist. From his quicksand pulpit, he emphasized the key to escape. Do not struggle and fight. All that does is drag you down and get you more hopelessly stuck. Apparently what is deadly about quicksand is not so much getting swallowed up but being immobilized and exposed to the sun.

I love the analogy here! When we find ourselves in something sticky and challenging, immobilized and overwhelmed, we should not struggle and fight. We need to calm down and be still. David had learned this even before Bear Grylls. He wrote what he had heard, “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 One translation reads, “Cease striving, and know that I am God.”

The default reaction if you are in quicksand is to panic and try to get out. The default reaction in challenging situations is similarly to worry and fret and try to make a plan to get out. We need to remember that the better way is to surrender, to “let go and let God.”

Many times when I am talking with people about difficult times they are dealing with, they mention the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me

The serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference

Maybe we can expand on that:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. God, help me to accept that You have a plan and that You are able. I don’t have to struggle to change my circumstances. Teach me to rest in You.

The courage to change the things I can. Give me the courage to say “Yes,” to what You are doing and to let myself be changed by it. Help me to change my mindset from stuck to still and to learn to worship.

And the wisdom to know the difference. Show me when my effort is moving me toward You versus when my activity is just adding to my frustration and immobility.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.” Psalm 40:1-3

-Leah

“We are all called to the sacred task of being ourselves.” Those were words spoken at our church recently by a visiting missionary. They resonated with me, mostly because I have spent the greater part of my life wishing to be someone other than who I am. If I’m called to the sacred task of being myself, then wishing to be someone other than who I am is a serious problem.

Have you ever felt that way? I’m guessing that I’m not alone. From childhood, I’ve been plagued with these nagging thoughts that I’m not pretty enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not ____________ enough (fill in the blank with just about anything you can think of). I’m not enough. I’ve struggled with looking at the people around me and wishing to be as _____________ as they are (again, fill in the blank). 

In the years I was growing up, my sister was the object of my comparison most of the time. Some of you are fortunate enough to know her. She’s pretty great, right? Being her younger sister, I was captivated by her. And every time, I measured myself against her, I came up short. She was prettier than me. She was skinnier than me. She was smarter than me. She played the piano better. She read faster. She learned more. You name it, she did it well. And instead of celebrating her successes, I resented them because I thought they only highlighted my inferiority.

I remember having so many conversations with my parents through the years about this very thing. They were wise and saw this crippling thought pattern that was developing in me. They explained over and over that I wasn’t created to be the same as my sister. They loved me through my mess and tried to encourage me to be comfortable in my own skin. As much as they tried, I really wasn’t convinced.

As a young adult, my focus expanded beyond my sister to others around me who I perceived to be better, more talented, smarter, prettier. I found myself constantly comparing myself to others, constantly measuring myself against what I saw around me, and constantly coming up short. This mindset became a way of life, and it was debilitating. Maybe it’s why the Bible says –

“But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!” (2 Corinthians 10:12b, NLT)

I needed to know the truth in this area, and God, in His great mercy, has been teaching me some truth that I would like to share. In full transparency, I haven’t mastered this truth, but I can claim progress by God’s grace.

God is the standard of measurement. Other people are not. Instead of looking around at others to measure my success, failure, value, or worth, I must look to God as the standard. Now, when I do that, I will definitely realize that I’m not good enough on my own. But when I understand that because of the price that Jesus paid for me at the cross, I am covered in His righteousness, it changes everything. I am a child of God, blameless before Him because of the sacrifice of Jesus, and I am eternally loved.

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins. He has showered His kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.” (Ephesians 1:5-8, NLT)

Comparing ourselves with others is hazardous to our spiritual and emotional health. As I was pondering comparison this week, I realized a very simple truth. When I compare myself with someone else, I very rarely break even. More often than not, I will either consider myself superior to or inferior to the other person. Both conclusions are dangerous. If I decide I’m superior to that person, it is prideful and self-righteous. I will look down on them, mistreat them, and fail to love them well. If I decide I’m inferior to them, it causes resentment, feelings of failure and inadequacy, and it can paralyze me. I would argue that it’s also prideful because it charges God with not doing a good enough job when He created me. It’s a subtle accusation that I think He could have done better.

“What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father, ‘Why was I born?’ or if it said to its mother, ‘Why did you make me this way?’ This is what the LORD says – the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: ‘Do you question what I do for my children? Do you give me orders about the work of my hands? I am the One Who made the earth and created people to live on it. With My hands I stretched out the heavens. All the stars are at my command.” (Isaiah 45:9-12, NLT)

I can find joy and contentment in being who I was created to be. When I was young, I was an avid Amy Grant fan. She sang a song that to this day, makes tears well up in my eyes. Honestly, when I hear it even now, I remember that little girl who wanted so badly to be like her big sister and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t manage to do it. The lyrics of this song were a healing balm to that little girl’s heart, and it has taken years for me to begin to understand the truth in them. 

When the weight of all my dreams is resting heavy on my head,

And thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said,

But I’m still hurting, wondering if I’ll ever be the one I think I am, I think I am.

Then, you gently re-remind me that You made me from the first,

And the more I try to be the best, the more I get the worst.

And I realize the good in me is only there because of Who You are, Who You are.

And all I ever have to be is what You’ve made me.

Any more or less would be a step out of Your plan.

As You daily re-create me, help me always keep in mind

That I only have to do what I can find.

And all I ever have to be, all I have to be, all I ever have to be

Is what You’ve made me.

I’m learning that God created me just the way He wanted to. He gave me the personality, the character traits, the talents, the physical attributes, the intelligence, and the interests that He wanted me to have. None of it was by accident, and none of it was a mistake. I am who He created me to be. I don’t need to look around me to determine my value. I need to look up. My worth is in the One Who fashioned me and loves me beyond my imagination.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, You are still with me!” (Psalm 139:13-18, NLT)

“God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:8-10, NLT)

For me, this learning has been a journey, and the truth is setting me free. I hope this truth resonates with some of you, too. You are God’s masterpiece, created by Him just the way He wanted you to be. This week, let’s ask God to help us to avoid looking around us to see how we measure up and to find our value by looking up to our Creator and understanding that He does all things well. “We are all called to the sacred task of being ourselves,” and all we have to be is what He’s made us to be. 

Dear Father, would you forgive us for those times when we have compared ourselves to others and considered ourselves superior to them? Forgive us for the pride in our hearts that looks down on and mistreats others who have been created in Your image. Would You also forgive us for the times when we have compared ourselves to others and considered ourselves inferior to them? Forgive us for accusing You in our hearts of not creating us well and for not making us the way that we think You should have made us. Will You help us this week to stop looking around us to find our value and affirmation? Help us to look to You and to the truth in Your Word to understand who You’ve made us to be. Keep us from the trap of comparison, and help us to celebrate the successes of others instead of letting their successes make us feel inferior and inadequate. May we look at all of Your image bearers (including ourselves) and know that You do all things well. Thank You for creating us in just the exact way that You wanted to, and thank You so much for loving us. Help us to share that love with others. Amen.

-Dana