Productive Struggle

There is a phenomenon referred to in the education world as ‘productive struggle.’ Google’s AI Overview tells us that productive struggle is “a learning process that involves working through challenging problems to develop skills like perseverance, flexibility, and confidence. It’s often described as ‘the sweet spot of learning’ because it’s when students are engaged and challenged, but not overwhelmed.'”

I was remembering a week back to my days as an instructional coach when I went into some classrooms, asked the teachers to give a Math problem to their students, and then set a timer for 5 minutes. During that 5 minutes, groups of students could work together, but the teachers were asked to do something that is very contrary to the nature of a teacher – they were to remain silent and not offer assistance. In some classrooms, it was extremely challenging for the teachers to watch their students struggle. For some teachers, it was five minutes that seemed like eternity. Why? Because they wanted so badly to step in, to offer guidance, to help adjust incorrect thinking, to take their students off the hook.

What did we learn as a result of this practice?

Sometimes we are too quick to step in. Struggle isn’t easy to watch. It can be painful to watch someone taking a wrong path or thinking through something incorrectly. The temptation is to jump in and rescue them instead of letting them learn from mistakes.
We often sell others short. We make an assumption that they won’t be able to solve the problem and feel the need to intervene.
It’s okay to allow the struggle to happen. The outcomes of perseverance, flexibility, and confidence are worth it.

As I was remembering all of this, I also thought about the spiritual application. You see, there’s really nothing new under the sun. Productive struggle isn’t a new concept. God has been using that strategy from the beginning of time.

Have you been there? God is the very best teacher, and He often puts us in situations where we experience productive struggle. He hasn’t left us, and He is there to intervene when needed, but He will let our faith be tested by problems, hardships, and trials.

When we are in those situations, we must remember that our struggle isn’t because God doesn’t care about us. We need to look for the ways that He is using the struggle to sanctify us, to develop us, to help us grow. It is because He cares for us that He lets us walk through seasons of productive struggle.

The Apostle Paul says it like this,

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:1-5)

The outcomes of the productive struggle in our walk with Christ are perseverance, proven character, and hope. We grow in these through tribulations (afflictions, troubles, pressures).

Remember, the goal of productive struggle isn’t to completely overwhelm or destroy a person. Sometimes, we may feel overwhelmed, but again, God is the perfect teacher. He knows just how much struggle is needed to produce the desired outcome.

“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

God is at work within us, not for our comfort and ease, but for our good and His glory. It is a process to become more and more like Christ, and it isn’t easy or comfortable. But we can rest in the assurance that God is with us, even if He isn’t giving us the answers. Our willingness to grow through the struggles that we face provides the perspective we need to press on.

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

-Dana

Faithful Friends

Ah, the Christmas music at this time of year, right? Even now, while I’m sitting at my dining room table typing this, my youngest is watching a Disney holiday special, and the sounds of the season are taking over my living room. I love some good Christmas music!

One line in a classic Christmas song has been striking a chord (pardon the pun, couldn’t help it) with me this year. “Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more.” I think the reason it resonates for me right now is because I have been so blessed with faithful friends.

It’s been a hard season for my family, and life has taken some unexpected twists and turns. I probably don’t have to tell you that life is like that. Aside from my faith, it is my faithful friends who have been the source of much hope and encouragement.

Faithful friends who are dear to me gather near to me once more. Why once more? Because there will always be something. Some curveball, some adversity, some unexpected change. But in the wake of it all, there are my faithful friends. They pray for me, they cheer me on, they help me to keep my eyes on Jesus, they show up.

I’m so thankful that my family doesn’t walk through life alone. God has given us the gift of faithful friends. Honestly, I don’t always reciprocate the way I should. Today, I’m feeling the challenge to be the kind of faithful friend that has been modeled for me.

If you have been one of my faithful friends, please know how much I love and appreciate you. I probably don’t say it or show it enough. Your kindness and overwhelming support have helped to steady the ship in rough and uncharted waters.

I aspire to be a faithful friend. I have much to learn and much room to grow. I’m inspired by the examples I have in my own life, but also by Jesus, who is a perfectly faithful friend.

May this Christmas season find you and your family with faithful friends who are dear to you gathered near to you once more, and may you know the fellowship of Jesus, the most faithful of friends.

Dana

Give Me a Crayon!

Hi, friends. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? In case you don’t know me well, I can tell you that the past few years have been the busiest of my life. As a result, there hasn’t been much time or margin for blogging. I can’t commit to any kind of frequency here, but since I have a thought or two to share, I thought I’d go for it.

Part of my busy is a 9-year old autistic daughter. She is a gift, and I have learned so much from parenting her – much about her, much about others, and much about myself. Amelia is primarily nonverbal and is also a visual thinker. She thrives on routine, structure, and visual supports – all things which do not come naturally to me, ironically.

One thing I have learned to do is to create visual schedules for Amelia, especially when there is a change in routine or an undesirable event on the horizon. If you’re anything like me pre-Amelia, you’re probably asking, “What is a visual schedule?” It’s a pictorial representation of the steps to a routine or the events within a time period. When I make them, I put the picture on the left and a blank box on the right. As things occur, we check them off on the right. Visual schedules reduce her anxiety by offering predictability and structure.

Creating visual schedules is time consuming, so there are times I don’t do it. That happened this week. Even though I knew she would be out of school, off her routine, and surrounded by holiday kinds of crazy, I failed to be proactive. On Wednesday (the first day of Thanksgiving break for her), we all paid the price. There were a lot of tantrums and meltdowns involving screaming and head-hitting. We had a miserable day, and I headed into Thanksgiving knowing that there had better be a visual schedule for each day the rest of the week.

Thursday morning, I made her schedule and hung it on the refrigerator. She must’ve looked at it at least twenty times, and you could almost see the relief she felt in knowing what was coming. We got through both Thursday and Friday beautifully with the visual support.

Fast forward to this morning. Today’s visual schedule is complete and on the refrigerator with a trip to the trampoline park toward the end of the day. When she saw that trampoline picture, there was a surge of excitement and then the word, “Jump!” What a win, right?

What happened next is why I’m writing. She came up to me and said, “Crayons, crayons.” I thought, “Oh, how sweet. She wants to draw or color.” She generally hates all things fine motor, so I was feeling pretty happy. I handed her the pack of colored pencils and was about to get some drawing paper out. If you can guess what happened next, you’re one step ahead of where I was. 🙂 It took me a minute. You see, she had no intention of drawing or coloring. She grabbed the red colored pencil and raced over to the visual schedule. Yes, you guessed it. She was about to check off every box leading up to the trampoline park.

That’s what happens when visual schedules can only go so far. It’s what happens when she isn’t happy living in the present moment, but wants to rush ahead to the best part of the day. And this is when I started pondering and reflecting on my own heart.

Oh, how I wish God would give me a visual schedule. I would love to know exactly what’s coming – not just today, but maybe for the next month, the next year, the next five years. Wouldn’t it be so nice if things were laid out in such a way that I knew what to expect? How often is my peace tied to predictability and structure? How much do I wish that all the things that are in front of me were within my control?

This is where I had the ‘aha’ moment of the day. If God in His sovereign wisdom were to lay out a visual schedule for me, I would want to do exactly what Amelia did. I would want to say, “Give me a crayon! I’m checking off all the undesirable things and fixating on the things that will bring me the most happiness.” If I had a crayon, I would refuse to live in the moment. If I had a crayon, I wouldn’t learn to be content with what I have right now. If I had a crayon, I wouldn’t understand that true joy isn’t dependent on a certain event but on the assurance that all the events on my schedule are held in the most trustworthy hands imaginable.

Peace comes when I stop trying to get the crayon and choose to embrace what’s happening in the present as God’s perfect plan for me right now. I can face the unpredictability of life knowing that while I control absolutely nothing, God is in complete control of everything.

If you love someone with autism, please know that I am not minimizing or criticizing their actual need for structure and routine. That is a real thing. I am far from an autism expert, but I know the realities of neurodiversity as it relates to my own household. The supports are not just beneficial, they are absolutely necessary.

My prayer for myself and for my neurotypical friends today is that we will learn to find contentment in the right now because we know Who holds the future. There will be great things ahead of us, and there will be hard things ahead of us. God gives us grace for each moment. We don’t have to borrow grace for the next thing on our schedule because He will give it when we get there. We can trust Him. He has the schedule and the crayon, and He doesn’t make mistakes. I love this promise –

“You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You. Trust in the LORD forever, because the LORD, the LORD Himself, is an everlasting rock!” (Isaiah 26:3-4)

Dana

What You Need, When You Need It

February 5. Today she would have turned 76 years old – my beautiful-inside-and-out mother-in-law, Mary Eiden. I miss her. She loved me and many, many others well. She modeled a positive attitude and lived her faith, even when fighting cancer.

The last several weeks of her life, in December, 2016, were some of the most difficult weeks of my life. I remember that during those weeks, and especially the last one, all I could pray was that God would give us what we needed, when we needed it. Over and over again as we walked through the valley of her death, He did just that. As I reflected on it later, it was truly amazing.

Since then, I have prayed the same prayer for others going through devastating or troubling times. “God, please give them what they need, when they need it.”

It’s a prayer rooted in the promises of Scripture.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:19

“And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

When God gives us what we need (which we do not deserve, by the way), that is grace. His grace is available, enough for each moment.

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

About 20 years ago, I was preparing to go back to work after maternity leave for my son, Benjamin. I had never been a working mom before. I was lying in bed, rehearsing in my mind all the responsibilities I would have and trying to figure out how I would take care of them all. How was I going to get meals ready? When would I go to the grocery? And, did I have any clothes for work that would fit my 6 weeks post-partum body? All at once, some Bible verses popped into my mind.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.” Matthew 6:25

Talk about what I needed to remember at that very moment! Read the rest of the passage:

Don’t worry about food or clothes. “Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field gorw. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is sthrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you-you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:25-34

Don’t worry about tomorrow. Trust God to provide what you need when you need it. Grace for this moment.

I had occasion to remember all of this recently. I made a difficult decision – a good one, but one that would affect lots of other people. I knew there would be people who would be disappointed and worried. I decided to change jobs, to leave my practice in Bluffton to work training family medicine residents. As a result, I would have to see my own patients 25 miles away from my current location for 18 months before I could return to the community. I prayed about that a lot, and I felt clear direction that this was where God was leading.

As I drove to work two weeks ago, the day I would be sharing this news with my co-workers and others, I was praying that I would know what to say. I drove my usual route and saw the church sign that I had seen lots of times. I read it with new eyes, and it was what I needed, when I needed it.

“We look back and thank God. We look forward and trust Him.”

That was what I needed to say – to myself and to my co-workers and to my patients. When we look back, we can see that God has provided. He has been faithful and good. Because of that, we know we can trust Him with this moment and with all the moments yet to come.

Good Father, thank You for Your endless supply of grace. I pray for every person reading this, that You will provide what they need right now. Grace for this moment. And I pray, that You will fill them with the ability to trust that You will not fail them in the future. Give us grateful hearts that remember Your goodness and trusting hearts that anticipate Your continued care.

-Leah

WWJD

WWJD. Everyone knows what that means, right? That’s what I thought when I asked my sons what WWJD stood for. Marco was around 9 years old. He thought for a moment and then said, “World Wide Jelly Doughnuts?” You have to know Marco to truly appreciate how funny this was. Suffice it to say that worldwide jelly doughnuts sounded like heaven on earth to that little boy 🙂

WWJD. What Would Jesus Do. I was thinking about some other children yesterday morning. Ellie, Alexandria, Amerie, Xavier, Jailah, Jayce, Layla… and 12 more who were killed at school this week. To be truthful, I have been trying not to think about them and their classmates and their teachers and their families and the whole tragic and terrible thing. This is unthinkable. And along with the grief that takes over when I open my heart and my mind to what happened, like most of you, there is anger. Why? How? Again? Somebody do something!

I realize that this massacre takes on a political life as the government responds, and that it turns into an argument about gun control. That is one reason I don’t want to think about it – I have a sense that all that discussion is out of my hands, and I shrink back from the dissension around it. But yesterday, when the thoughts slipped in, I asked myself a new question. What would Jesus do?

Don’t get the idea that I have some special insight into what Jesus would do. I don’t. But, I am convinced that this is the lens through which I should see all of life, this event and this political mess included. I have what you have, the Bible and prayer, to ponder what He would do and what He wants me to do. I’m still reading and asking, but here are some observations:

Jesus loved and valued children.

In the gospel of Matthew, chapter 18, we read,

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ He called a child, whom he put among them, and said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea. …

If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life maimed or lame that to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into the eternal fire. …

Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones; for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven.’ “

And in the nineteenth chapter,

“Then little children were being brought to him in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them; but Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.’ And he laid his hands on them and went on his way.”

Jesus lived in a country occupied and controlled and brutally oppressed by a foreign government. He did not speak about defending oneself against the government or against outside attack of any kind. Here is what He said:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.” (Matthew 5:38-42)

“So have no fear of them [those who want to persecute you for your faith]; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.” (Matthew 10:26-29)

Jesus did not turn away from the grief of others.

“Soon afterwards he went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went with him. As he approached the gate of the town, a man who had died was being carried out. He was his mother’s only son, and she was a widow; and with her was a large crowd from the town. When the Lord saw her, he had compassion for her and said to her, ‘Do not weep.’ Then he came forward and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. And he said, ‘Young man, I say to you, rise!’ The dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother.” (Luke 7:11-15)

What would Jesus do? He never spoke specifically about school shootings. Wouldn’t it be great if we could ask Him? Wait! We can. We must.

Go to Jesus. Bring your grief and your fear and your assumptions and all of it. Let’s do it individually. Let’s do it together.

“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” II Chronicles 20:12

Jesus, our hearts are broken for the children and the families of Uvalde. Help us not to become indifferent or calloused to suffering. We bring each person affected by this tragedy to You. Would You provide comfort and help and healing? Would You be present with those who are overwhelmed with grief and don’t know how to go on? Please help. Let us know how we can express our care to them and what You would have us do. Give us opportunities to show Your love to people who are struggling with anger and thoughts of violence. Help us to befriend vulnerable people before they reach a point of violent acts. Please teach me and teach Your church what Jesus would do. Give us the courage and wisdom we need to do whatever You ask of us. Our eyes are on You. Help us to turn them back to You when we lose that focus. Have mercy on us.

-Leah